story behind sara bareilles i choose you

But, I am always too easily fooled when she tells me over and over again that she is trying again, so my eyes remain wide shut unopened. So now, I just prefer not to indulge in the lengthy tearful explanations or excuses she offers anymore. She isn't ready to commit to sobriety and I've poured my heart out her and vice versa so many times that when the relapse comes or a betrayal is discovered, its devastating. But that's only after hours of pleading with me not ti give up on her. On a few occasions, its actually come back around to her telling me that sobriety is too hard and if I can't love her and her heroin then I need to let go. She plays the role of an addict eager for recovery very well when it suits her. I'd heard it a thousand times but wasn't willing to listen.

So when the admission came, I almost already knew. My family had suspected she had a drug problem for a while before she admitted it but I'd refused to believe it. Yet when she had me convinced she was truly working on her recovery, anything that felt out of place I could come up with something to justify it so I could at least passively trick myself into believing she was trying to get better.

My attention to detail has both saved her life and brought it to a screeching halt. She jokingly refers to me as the bloodhound because I literally investigate everything she tells me and have argued with detectives and lawyers and courts and caught her in so many lies. I kept telling myself that no right mind could do these things so it had to be the addiction that drove her to it. But she had to have been out of her mind somehow to have done all the terrible and hurtful things she did to our family while she was using. Constantly wanting to love her but fearing another betrayal, literally loving her later if at all.

The only one who was in a position to help her, and the only one left that she could manipulate.

My family literally divided when we learned of her addiction and I was left in the middle. She can write all the apology letters she wants but it will mean more when she has the guts to say it out loud. My sister has been battling a heroin addiction for 3 years, only one of which anyone in the family was even aware she had a problem. I am sure these were not the intentions when the song was written, but for me it has a non-romantic resonance.

Story behind sara bareilles i choose you